April 15, 2019
Today was supposed to be the day that changed my life forever.
Today was that pivotal day where who I once was and what I perceived myself to be was going to be stripped away. My old self would be shrugged off like a favorite sweater; a sweater that was faded in color and fraying at the edges. There would always be something comforting and familiar about that sweater, but it was time to slip into something newer…something better.
Today I was supposed to give birth to our baby.
April 15th is the date my pregnancy app once joyfully told me my child was due to arrive in the world. My life would no longer be the same. My days would be enthralled with nurturing, loving, and protecting this tiny human. The lens through which I see my life… my future… would be altered forever. This little one would bring a sharper, more vibrant perspective of the world.
My life did change forever, but it was before today. On that day, we were told that our child did not have a heart beat. On that day, I realized we were never going to have the privilege to hold this tiny life in our arms nor see the delicate features of their face.
I will never know what our baby’s favorite color would have been, what their voice would have sounded like, nor what passions and talents God would have planted in their heart.
I let the pain, the hope, the grief, and the faith drive me to create something beautiful in remembrance of the little life we didn’t have the honor to know.
Today my life is changed forever.
As I embark on this new journey in my personal and business life, I hope I make this little one proud to call me mom. And that our child knows we love them and miss them with all our being.
I wanted the world to know that our little one existed. Our baby was here, even if only for a short time. Our child, we named Aspen, lived. Named after the golden leaves of my favorite tree, the Quaking Aspen. I imagine our child dancing and singing happily when I see the leaves flutter in the breeze.
In memory of Aspen, today is the birth of The Golden Hour Adventurer. Today is the pivotal day when I say goodbye to the comforting and familiar to embrace the beginning of a new adventure.
“Yet if you devote your heart to Him and stretch out your hands to Him…You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by. Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope…”
Job 11:13-18
